Solar Panel Syndrome - A New Scourge?


With the massive worldwide move towards renewable energy over the last few years, Wind Turbine Syndrome (WTS) has been making headlines. A notoriously communicate-able disease, sufferers complain that noise, low-frequency vibration, electromagnetic fields, flicker and other effects sicken them with a horrific variety of symptoms: headaches, depression, conjunctivitis, nosebleeds, and even hemorrhoids.

We at Otherpower are always on the watch for breaking news in renewable energy, and we've uncovered some astounding new information about the actual, horrific health problems caused by solar (photovoltaic, PV) arrays in residential installations. We've named it "Solar Panel Syndrome." (SPS)

In a groundbreaking new study, Research Fellow and Adjunct Professor Dr. Thaddeus P. Horn of the University of Upper Central Western Colorado at Box Prairie, has revealed how dangerous and irresponsible Colorado's voters were in passing Amendment 37, which requires a renewable energy standard (RES) for utilities.

"My studies of tens of PV installations over the last couple days have revealed a shocking pattern - these solar panels are making people sick," Dr. Horn told Otherpower. "Almost 0.000001 percent of homeowners with rooftop or ground-mounted solar arrays are experiencing disturbing health symptoms they say are directly related to their PV installations, and they report massive environmental damage too."

In our search for real data, we interviewed local resident Cloretta Drooks, who installed a solar array last summer.

"I used to have to wear sunglasses every time I went outside," Drooks told us. "Now, everything looks so dim. I think my new solar panels are just sucking in all the light and there's none left for me or my garden. My tomatoes certainly suffered after my PV install. My garden is located only 50 feet away from my solar array, after all."

Otherpower wants to know, so we interviewed a couple of other local off-grid residents. They all complained of similar symptoms, verifying the study results. Long-time curmudgeon and neighbor Brann Dartmann also confirmed some other disturbing SPS effects.

"I used to be able to feel every light particle from the sun beating on my head every day," Dartmann told Otherpower. "It gave me sunburn if there were too many. But now that I installed only a small PV array, there's some sort of photonic vortex on my roof, and I haven't been sunburned in days. I simply don't understand it, but it must be bad."

This presents an interesting problem...with both wind (WTS) and solar (SPS) presenting serious health problems, how do we safely get our energy without all the clear hazards of these photon-sucking PV abominations?

"The findings from my study clearly show that producing electricity from coal, oil and nuclear sources is FAR more environmentally sound than solar or wind," Dr. Horn said. "We simply can't allow these extremist renewable energy advocates to destroy our environment with their silly plans. Every citizen of the planet Earth deserves equal insolation, and all of these people with PV arrays are stealing it from them."

But the long-term environmental effects might be the most disturbing of all, Dr. Horn told us. His study reveals a horrifying gamut of environmental havoc wreaked by both rooftop and ground-mounted PV arrays.

"The most disturbing finding from this study for me was the alarming increase in earthworm suicides," Dr. Horn told Otherpower. "It makes me very sad. These creatures are essential to our ecosystem, and I find it ridiculous that all these organic sustainable farming hippies are cruelly torturing their best gardening friends with induced electromagnetic fields the worms can feel within two or three miles of those PV arrays, no matter how small, or whether the PV is on the roof or on the ground. Earthworms indeed do have a very small psyche, but this external stimulus simply drives them over the edge and they end it all."

Regardless of any peer-reviewed studies of WTS and SPS, we at Otherpower are very alarmed about this new data, and we sincerely wish you........APRIL FOOLS, 2016